In my last blog I wrote that the time for change is now. I opened up about my journey of self discovery and the importance of being the real/authentic versions of ourselves vs what we are told to be.  If you decided to leave the old you and venture out in becoming the you that you are called to be I want to commend you.  You have taken the first step to personal and authentic freedom!

Let me start off  saying by allowing this process of becoming my truest self has been one of the most challenging and rewarding adventures. It causes you to dig deep and you must ask yourself some very difficult questions.  It takes a ton of work, but getting to know yourself on a deeper level will help you thrive in every area of your life. 

You need to ask yourself why you are the way you are. Why do you think the way you do?  Ask yourself what you really want from this life and what you are truly passionate about.  Most important is to ask yourself where the answers originated.  Is your mindset birthed from things you are told as a child or from your own adult process of thinking? Do you react the way you do in situations because that is what is expected of you?  Are you living a life other people told you do live?  

If the answers to these questions are not what you want to here it is alright.  You are well on your way to shedding the old you and becoming who you are called  to be.  This journey is not an overnight one.  It will take time, and to be honest it is a journey that will take your entire life if you let it.  There will be different versions of you that will emerge as time goes on.  You will encounter shifts.  What I mean by this is the best place to be in life is in a constant state of growth. We should strive to continually evolve.  Without this we will become stagnant and unhappiness sets in. 

I want to encourage you to never give up on yourself!  You deserve to walk this path and become who you are supposed to be. However, there will be many obstacles along the way.  The first challenge I encountered was the old me.  Sometimes as your journey shifts and you begin to transform, you will be your biggest enemy. The old habits and mindset will try to fight their way back in.  You see the new you is requiring you to let go of what you are familiar with. Becoming the authentic version of yourself will require you to grow and elevate higher than you ever have before.  This can be a scary thing.  It is always nerve racking to step out of your comfort and into the unknown. I am here to tell you to not allow the old you to stop the new you from moving forward. 

The other source of concern is others.  Those that new the old you and prefer him/her. As you evolve you will make a lot of people uncomfortable. They do not know the person you are turning into and they may not like it. Some might guilt you into staying where you were.  I am here to tell you to evolve anyway!  Continue to grow into who you feel you should be despite what others say.  If they are truly your people, then they will encourage you along the way. 

In my experience, as you put the pieces of the new you together people will like the idea of you, but lack the maturity to handle reality of you.  What I mean by this is simple. There will be some individuals that will cheer you on in the beginning, but once the new you starts to be a reality they will not know what to do.  Maybe they thought you were going through a phase or that you would not really make any real change.  Whatever the case they will not be able to continue along with on your journey.  

There will be those that do not know how to react to the new you. These are the ones that normally follow the crowd, so when you step out of that box they get startled. They are not used to this type of behavior.  So instead of being supportive they will try and make you feel like you are a freak or damaged.  I am here to tell you not to fall for such nonsense. 

There will also be those that no matter what you say will never truly here or understand you.  It might be out of fear or jealousy on their part.  You will encounter those that see what you appear to be, but not truly experience what you are. You will be misunderstood and wrongly judged, but you cannot give in.  Just do not back down.  Keep evolving. Most of the time you will come to realize that these people are searching for their own true self.  They are just confused souls that have not had the revelation to start their journey of self discovery. 

Remember that there will always be those that no matter what you do will not see the real you.  They will be blinded from your heart.  You will also come to realize that not everyone deserves to know the real you.  So let them talk about who they think you are. Remind yourself you were born to stand out and not to fit in. 

I had actually started to write this a week before life as we knew it changed.  I feel that now is the time to post it.  So many of us are wondering why God is "allowing" the current events ​to happen.  I want to challenge you to stop asking why.  Instead start seeking what this season is supposed to be teaching us.  We all have lessons we are to learn during this time.  It is up to each of us to seek His divine wisdom to see what they are. 

The past few months I have spoken about taking time to reflect, knowing your why, and identity crisis. God has put these topics so heavily on my mind and I can see why.  It’s time to decide who you are going to be? The old you or the new you. We are at a point in time when we can no longer live in limbo. We must stop going back and forth on who and what we want to be.  Either choose to step into your purpose or remain where you are at.  

We are all born having an image that the world and others have for us.  Wether it is your parents that insist you become a doctor or lawyer.  Maybe you grew up being told that you were a nobody and would never amount to anything.  No matter the circumstances none of us have to live under those rules.  We cannot help what we are born into, but we can decide what path we take in life. 

I have chosen to step out of the image that others had for me.  It is a choice I have yet to regret.  The process has been a long and tough road, but it is completely worth it.  I started taking time to reflect. Reflect on who I was and where I wanted to be. I had to shed the restrictions, limitations, and thoughts that others were giving me.  To some extent I always strived to live my life under my standards, but after much thought I quickly saw that I was still putting other people's views ahead of my own. During this process of reflection I realized I had somewhat of an identity crisis. Although I had an idea of who and what I wanted to be, I still was confused. 

I wrote down what I thought I wanted verses what others had always told me.  I took time to evaluate the relationships I had.  Were those around me behind my vision for myself?  Did my circle of people support & encourage me?  Did others have the same vision as I did? Were they growing with me or staying stagnant?  I now can see that I was checking the "flow" of the people I let into my life.  Truth be told, some relationships are meant to distract you and all out destroy you.  If we continue to allow these relationships to prosper, then we take the chance of never reaching our fullest potential.  We must make some tough decisions on rather to keep people around or let them go.

Once I made those required changes (which takes time) I felt I could find my why.  I had to remove certain people and situations first to get a real picture of where I was headed.  I searched for what drove me, what was passionate about, and what  my anointing(s) is. With the distractions out of the way my vision was much more clear.  My why seemed to jump out at me. 

Looking back I see what I was going through over this last few months personally is also what I was writing about.  God put me through this process because so many of us are struggling in the in between.  We are setting up camp between who we are told to be and who we are called to be.  Living in this limbo mentality is the worst existence. I truly believe that this is why depression and suicide are so high & why they are on the rise.  

God is wanting to break this cycle of destruction.  We were never meant to live in such a tormented state of mind.  God is showing us a way out if we choose to take it.  Sadly, a lot of us will choose to stay with that is safe no matter the cost.  Many will not  like going through the process of reflection, flow (evaluation of our surroundings), figuring out our i.d. crisis, and finding our why so we can step into our real selves.  Many will think it is too hard or that they could never accomplish such tasks.  With all do respect, I am not talking to those people. I am speaking to the called!  Those that  are willing to face any battle to reach where they want to be. 

There are generations inside of you, and it’s time to let them loose! Your story will bless so many. What you have to say will effect the young and the old.  The trials that you have overcome will save so many lives.  You just have to step out. Continue to let God birth what is inside of your heart.  I guarantee you will not regret it. 

WHERE IS YOUR MIND AT! The time will come when you see that you have to be around those that have the same mindset, relationships, and surroundings. I only have so much mental real estate, so I have to be MINDFUL of what I’m paying attention to! If you have paid attention to my last few blog, then you will see a pattern.  If we want real and lasting change in our lives, then we must evaluate where our mind is at.  What are you focusing on?  Where is the majority of your time being spent?

Answer these questions honestly.  Are you spending hours a day watching t.v.?  Do you scroll through facebook & instagram most evenings? What steps are you taking to birth your purpose?  It is safe to to say that what we focus on becomes our reality. We must silence our surroundings so we can hear what God is trying to tell us! Your job is not to conform, but to be transformed  by the renewing of the mind! This is why it is vital to now where your mind is at all the time. 

I think we all can agree that whatever has control over your mind has control over you.  This is why we must protect it.  We must monitor who and what comes in and out.  We have to take inventory of what we are thinking on a daily basis.  It is not an easy task to do either.  I do not know about you, but a hundred thoughts can pass through my head in any given second.  It is crazy sometimes how that works.  

At the start of every day I have every intention on doing certain things that get me one step closer to where I want to be.  However, even with my best efforts people and situations come along that halt my progress.  There were many times that I took the bait.  I lost track of things and I would see at the end of the week I got nothing on my list done.  When I thought about what I had spent my time on I soon realized how much it I was wasting.  After awhile I had to learn that these were attempts to distract me. 

Please understand me.  Not everything is meant to distract you.  Life happens to us all.  We get sick, a loved one is in need, or work is just crazy. I am not saying to neglect your other responsibilities. I am simply saying be aware of what and where your energy is being utilized. Ask yourself does this need my immediate attention.  Can it wait or does it have to do with me at all?  Will my efforts be in vein if I get involved? Knowing the answers to these questions will help you decide how to best use your time. 

In the end, we need to be in control of what we are thinking and doing in order to reach our fullest potential. Be aware of possible distractions and never waste your energy on them.  This may mean saying no to a friend or passing up that overtime.  Whatever the case learn to focus on the things that get you to where you eventually want to be. 

In my last blog I spoke how many of us today are having an indentity crisis. We are living in an age where we try to define ourselves based upon material possessions or status.
We put so much emphasis on what others think and say that we are loosing are authentic selves.

It is time to build our foundation on who we really are so we can stop pretending.  The first step in building this solid foundation is finding your why.  Knowing your why will bring you closer to becoming the real you.  Deciding how you want to measure your life means making a stand for something and then living your life in alignment with it. Ultimately, living with purpose means focusing on things that matter most. 

Some might ask where or how to find your why. Focus on what you love, what the world needs, what you are good at, and  what you would be proud doing. Think back to what you loved to do as a child.  Recall what makes you loose track of time. What do people ask of you when they need help? These are signs of what your why is.  Here are a few specific questions to ask yourself as you start your search for your why.
What makes you come alive?
What are your innate strengths?
Where do you add the greatest value?
How will you measure your life?

Take the time to write true and authentic responses to the above questions.  It is imperative that you are honest with yourself, so you can step into the life you were meant to live.  It is obvious that you are tired of living a lie.  You no longer are allowing yourself to live beneath your potential.  You have chosen to step out of the box society or family have put you in for so long.  You  have taken the first step to your better life by defining your why.  If this process takes take you longer it is more then ok. The important thing to remember is that you are making the change! 

Along your journey of self discovery things might "get real." There may come a time when you want to go back to your comfort zone.  I know it is safe there, but remember how miserable you were when you lives there! When that voice within tells you to give up remind yourself on the benefits of becoming the real you and finding your why! 

It provides clarity in your life. People who have a sense of purpose are often seen as being unstoppable. They are capable of shaping their lives in the ways they want. When you become laser-focused on your goals, you will have no question about what you are getting up each and every day to accomplish.

It infuses you with passion for your goals & It keeps you focused on your goals. When you’ve identified your life’s purpose, it’s easier to focus on what truly matters. You’ll be better equipped to avoid distractions in order to achieve your vision. You’ll practice this trait in the workplace, at home, and in social settings.

It helps you live healthier and longer.  This is because when you are living with a purpose, you adopt a prospective focus, looking forward to the day when your purpose is fulfilled. This causes everyday stressors to become less influential and have a smaller impact on your overall well-being.

You build a life with integrity and resilience.  Those who know their purpose in life understand who they are and what they are here for. They are more satisfied in general because they’re living true to their core values. When this is the case, a person doesn't have to put on a façade or act like they are passionate about a job that they truly dislike. Instead, their passion is genuine for everything they do, and they always show up as their true selves.

I pray this these tips have helped you reflect on finding your why. This is just the tip of the iceberg of your new, purpose filled life.  I am so excited that you have chosen to leave the everyday normalcy of life & step into your calling.  I promise you will not regret it. 

Lately I have observed many friends, clients, and loved ones & there seems to be one core thread.  Too many of us do not know who we are.  People seem to be in a state of confusion about their purpose, where they belong, and even if they are meant to be here. This greatly saddens me.  We all have a purpose and a reason for living.  If you or anyone tells you otherwise, then it is a lie from the enemy. 

In a world driven by photoshopped images, snapshots of people's "perfect" lives, and so many trying to act like they have it altogether it is no wonder why we are confused. We can no longer tell realty from fantasy. When this happens, people start to  build their purpose on a foundation made of sand.  It is no wonder why so many souls are lost and just floating through life. There is no surprise why one day you maybe on a high, then the next suicidal.  You cannot be surprised  if you are unhappy with your job, friends, and love life.  Your questions of who am I and why am I here cannot be truly answered when you start with such a faulty foundation. You are setting yourself to fail.

If we want change, then we have to start building on a solid foundation.  We must be intentional in our thinking. Ask yourself why you do what you do and why you are the way you are. What are you passionate about?  What gets you out of bed in the morning?  What are your dreams and goals for your life?  We also must stop comparing ourselves to what we see on tv and social media.  The lie that so and so's life is way better must cease.  The mindset that everyone else has it altogether has to come to an abrupt halt. 

It is imperative that you know who you are and where you are headed because people will try and dictate your path.  It might be your parents, friends, or significant other.  If you do not know where you are headed, then you will be persuaded by others and fall off track. They might not be doing it to harm you, but the end result is still the same.  You will be like a ship without a sail.  Just blowing in the wind aimlessly.  This is how too many people are living today. This is why depression and suicide are at an all time high. 

There will be those that try to define you or put you in a box.  Some will intentionally degrade and belittle you because of their insecurities and fears.  We will all face people that due to their lack of dedication to change their own life, will make their best attempts to tear you down. Some will love the idea of you, but they will not have the ability to handle the reality of you.  Your light and determination scares them or makes them feel inferior.  When you come across these individuals it is vital that you know the real you so you can stand your ground.  You must have the strength to look them directly in the eye and tell them what you are truly made of.
My prayer is that we could live in a world where vulnerability and authenticity were praised as much as being fake.  Since this is not the case we must learn to dig deep within ourselves and find our true calling & do everything we have to do to fight for it to become a reality.

Friendship is defined as a state of mutual trust and support between two parties. In order to have a true friendship one must understand how the other person thinks. This is true in all relationships.   You cannot just assume their mindset is exactly like yours is.  This is why true friends are hard to find.  

Too many of us put our own thoughts and insecurities on those around us. We automatically assume that our friends will react or think exactly like we do.  Sometimes this is true, but not everyone is the same as we are.  For instance, what may offend you may not offend someone else.  What may flatter you may not be flattering to others.  Some people may want to talk daily and others may touch base with their friends a less often.  One way is not better then the other.  They are just different.

The mistake many of us make is that we try to put each of our friends in the same box.  If one of them steps out of this box, then we think that they are not a real friend.  I have been in situations where some of my friends NEED to talk daily and I am just not this way.  It does not mean that I do not care or that I am ignoring you.  It simply means that we flow differently.  What I have learned to do is let those around me know how I am & I do my best to learn what makes them tick.  For those that need a bit more communication I will try to reach out more often.  For those that are like myself and need less contact I know I do not have to be there as often.  I still consider both people valuable to my life.  I just apply different ways of dealing with them. The key is to adapt accordingly to each individual. 

Issues arise when only one person is doing most of the adapting.  For instance when you see yourself being there for someone on a regular basis, but when you need them they are no where to be found.  Or maybe they are a bit more needy and you are doing your best to reach out, but it does not ever seem like it is enough.    Another issue is when someone consistently assumes how you will react or think based on their own though processes.  You will find them putting words in your mouth that you never even thought to say.  Or maybe they will say things that they know would offend them, but because they know you are strong they do not think you will get upset.  (Almost like you have no feelings of your own.) Both of these situations need to be evaluated.

​If you find yourself in this situation it is imperative you talk to your friend.  Let them know what the way the are treating you is not acceptable.  Inform them that they are projecting their insecurities onto you or that you are doing your best to be there for them.  Maybe they are not aware that you are going through a tough time & that you need them just as much.  They may not comprehend what they are doing.  Whatever the issue is  communication is key in resolving it.  In the end we set the standard for the way we are treated. This is what builds the strongest foundation for any relationship. 

Has anyone every told you that you are not smart enough, pretty enough, or not capable of  accomplishing a goal you had set for yourself?  Have you even fallen when trying to reach the next level and someone takes it upon themselves to tell you it was not meant to be? I am sure we can all think of a time when this has happened to us.  It makes you feel worthless and  frustrated. You may think that you are not good enough for whatever it is you were working.  Maybe you even started to believe what others were telling you, so you give up on your dream.

I have seen this happen too may times to me and others.  Nothing is more painful to watch the spark fade from someone's eye or watch the fire go out on a dream. Over the years I have asked myself why we allow other people's (or our own) thoughts to dictate what we do in our lives.  The truth hit me one day when I was told I would never achieve something based on an action I had taken.  I was told to give up and that my goal was unattainable. It was at that point when it hit me.  They are telling me what they would do if they were in my position.  I told myself they are not me though! 

People have the tendency to reflect their own fears and insecurities on to others.  This especially happens when we are at our lowest point.  It is like the want to kick us when we are down.  Maybe they want to save us from the hard road it will take to get where we want to go.  Whatever the reason, you can almost guarantee that when you are down on your luck someone will be there to remind you. 

I am here to tell you something different.  Those times that you have fallen will come.  The road will be difficult from time to time.  Everything around you may even point in the opposite direction of where you are wanting to go.  When you find yourself in these situations remember it is a setback!  No ones said the journey would be easy.  You are bound to have bumps along the way.  It is at these times where you have to dig deeper and keep fighting. True victory necessitates consistency.  You have to keep striking until your dream becomes a reality.  That is how true champions are made.  They are the individuals that choose to walk through the fire no matter how hot the flames get. They are the people that know from a setback is merely a platform for a major comeback.  Who will you choose to be today?