​As I sit here in my amazing backyard in sunny, warm Cali overlooking my pool and palmy trees I cannot help but feel heavy.  There has to be more to life than this.  From the outside looking in I "have it all." Two beautiful girls, loving husband, friends, and family.  I have learned that these blessings can sometimes be the reason we feel lost and confused.  Please allow me  to explain.

As women, the above blessings gives us the role of mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend.  All of which are amazing in their own right.  What happens though when those children grow up, parents are gone, and distance comes between other relationships.  What do you have at the end of the day? Society makes us feel that these roles are all we are good for in life.  I know I am meant for more.  Being a wife and mom are my biggest blessings and responsibilities. I will ALWAYS put them first!  However, I know I am called for more!  There is a stigma or judgement put on women who want/need more.  I say forget what society and the world say! Women are powerful and amazing creatures!

For one moment, ask yourself...if I only had myself to worry about what would I be doing?  Would you want to be a lawyer, doctor, or counselor?  Whatever it is you are meant to fulfill that purpose!  I am not saying to forget your role as mom and wife.  Just add to it!  As women, we put ourselves last.  We just keep going for the sake of others.  When we do this, we end up on empty. How much can you accomplish when you are at this point?  The answer is not much.  You are little to no good for your kids, husband, family, and friends.  This is why we need to invest in ourselves.  Invest in your health.  Exercise, do your best to eat right, and most of all take care of your emotional state of mind. Do not let the pressure of others detour you from your personal growth.  You might be told you are neglecting other areas of your life, but you are actually making them better. Working on being the best version of you will help you keep up with all the demanding roles we hold as women.

Women, if you have daughters you must teach them to not be the damsel in distress!  They can be their own hero!  Teach them through your example that no matter what their dreams maybe they can fulfill them!  Teach them their are no small dreams, and that we each play our part to better this world.  Whatever their part maybe, they must reach it...not just for themselves, but for everyone around them.  Teach them it is ok to be strong.  It is ok to be weak, and lean on others.  Teach them to uplift other women instead of trying to cut them down.  Teach them they are only in competition with themselves!  

Think if we had a generation of women who all reached their full potential.  A generation where they did not let society depict what or who they will be!  A world where we banded together as one to uplift and support each other.  I do not know about you, but I pray to see this in my lifetime.  I know I have taught my girls these lessons.  It is my prayer they not only live up to their callings, but to pass this onto their children.  I hope you start or continue the journey to reaching your full purpose.  Be blessed.

It is not ones job to make someone else agree with our viewpoint.  We are simply meant to express our opinions based on our own journey/ experiences.  You cannot and will not ever make someone change their minds on a topic.  Simply express your thoughts, listen to theirs, and in the end agree to disagree!  Stop taking everything personally just because someone has a different stance then you do!

We must learn that lighter is not better! Being of color at all is a struggle.  We are only hurting ourselves with the division we are causing. Listen to my oldest, Marissa, of how being darker effected her so negatively.  Yet, myself being lighter, I have my own struggle and fight that I had/have.  When will we see that it does not and should not matter what shade we are.  It is  hard enough to just walk out of your house everyday being of color.  We must learn to lean on each other, and see that we are in this fight together!

We are asked quite often on how to raise a child when he or she is from another race(s).  I am personally asked how I raised my girls when I am not black.  My daughters are also asked questions from caucasian mothers with mixed babies. We are here to answer those questions to the best of our ability.  Please feel free to comment and give us feedback.  We all must support and uplift one another.  Be blessed!

You do not "look" sick?  How can you be sick...you workout daily! Look at you...you must be faking it to get attention! These are just a few of the statements that I have received over the years as I have struggled to be and stay healthy.  Sadly, they are from friends and family sometimes.  I am not here to call anyone out.  I am just merely wanting to bring to light a serious issue.  We CANNOT judge a person in anyway based on their outward appearance! Of course this includes many areas, but I want to focus on someone's overall health. 

I cannot tell you how many times I am asked and told that I do not "look sick."  Please, someone tell me what it means to "look sick." If I am not in the hospital does that mean I am faking.  If I choose to put a smile on my face for the world and fight through the pain does that mean I am not ill? If I choose to focus on the positive instead of the negative and not complain about my illness... does that mean I am alright enough.  NO IT DOES NOT!  There are many suffering from silent yet difficult illnesses, and they are not getting the support they need. In fact, we are getting judged and accused of taking advantage of a situation, being attention seekers, or even being lazy. This truly only makes our daily struggle that much harder.

Not everyone dealing with some kind of illness will show the outward signs and struggles they go through.  This might be part of the issue too.  Maybe we should walk around "showing" how bad we feel.  Maybe we should show the world the hell we go through to present ourselves to the those around us.  Maybe we should tell our entire life story to everyone we meet in order to be believed.   How many of us really do that?  It is not realistic. I will admit, personally, I need to show my vulnerable side more.  I feel I need to share some of my struggles with others.  It might bless someone else that is also suffering in silence.

Anyone that knows me, knows I am a pretty private person.  I have never been one to share my feelings with many.  It is just who I am.  I am obviously changing that mind set, but it is very hard.  Although I feel led to change, others should not HAVE to in order to get validation or support for what they are going through.  It is a blessing to share aspects of what you are going through to those around us, but it should not have to be a requirement!

We live in world where everything/everyone appears perfect. Social media posts and pics of my amazing life and family. Those looking in from the outside only see us at our best. Perfect kids...perfect marriage..perfect body...perfect life.  Some of you might have had/have that image of me.  It is not because I have tried to portray that.  I just truly try to focus on the blessings in my life, and again, I am a private person.  In the past few months, I have felt that I needed to make some changes in opening up more.  That is what I am doing! 

It is my prayer that those that read this learn three things:  not everyone will open up about their private struggles, that is it not your job to judge if what they are going through is "real enough," &  to remember that no matter what someone portrays in their life they too are trying to overcome something.  I pray that we can learn to see with more than our eyes.  I pray that those suffering in silence can one day come forward to those around them.  I pray that society realizes that it is ok not to "be perfect", and there is no such thing. If we can see this, then it would be easier to ask for the help we might need. Even more importantly, it would be easier to see those that need the help so we can reach out to them without the prejudgement.